A Danger in Communication

September 20, 2026

Tonight, I am tired, disenchanted, and questioning my belief in the fundamentals of communication. At least in how I see them.

To me, comprehending perspective, being able to carry multiple truths at once, and actively seeking to listen are everything. If there's confusion, don't guess. Seek clarification. Do not fear showing vulnerability in a conversation. Be kind. (OK, admittedly there are instances where the latter would just be stupid, but for the most part — Be kind.)

It is strange. I am fortunate to have persons in my life who I can talk about anything with. We can strongly disagree on a subject, but we're still good. There is a foundation of respect that is understood between us of, “I will not intentionally seek to cause you harm or hurt your feelings. If I do, please say so, so that we can rectify the situation.” It's really nice to have. That cannot be overstated.

Everyone else is on a spectrum. We are all in different places on our communication path. There is a certain type that I find extremely challenging, and it threw me for a loop tonight. I do always see the signs that it is coming, and I understand the mechanisms behind it, but at the same time I am always startled, and no matter what I try in order to navigate the experience in a positive way for both parties, it never works.

I observe the world by holding as many perspectives in my mind as I can. I do not agree with all of them. I clearly have my own perspectives. But I do try to acknowledge them, map out where they're coming from, and seek better understanding. I do that with my own thoughts as well.

There are certain truths. If someone has their head chopped off, that is bad for their health. Drinking water from old lead pipes can be very dangerous. Your location in the world changes your personal experience with the environment and society in general. None of those statements are being judgmental or critical. They're just acknowledging what we have come to call reality. They are not an attack on a person. Nor are they dictatorial.

I acknowledge that I don't do well when conversing with someone who cannot hold multiple truths at once. Something can have a negative impact, it be out of your hands, you still like it, and you still do it. On and on. All of those can be true. They may not believe something is true while I do. However, attacking because I disagree or see multiple perspectives, or going passive-aggressive martyr on me, is just...

I understand they likely do not even know what they're doing. I acknowledge the framework that sets everything up. I have sympathy and really try to take a step back and navigate the situation as best as I can without pouring gasoline on it, but at the end of the day, if the person is determined to light a torch, the torch will be lit, and there will be no resolution.

It ... pains me on many levels. Mostly the one where I realize what it will take for that particular response/reaction to no longer occur. I do not want to give up on believing it a possibility, because it truly is a possibility. But I do not find pleasure in walking on eggshells around those I consider close. That is not closeness to me. Sometimes, I deeply want to give up. I won't. Not in this particular case. However, I recognize my shortened desire to have such communication. Or lack thereof.