Constant Deaths on the Twentieth Floor

November 6, 2026

Last night I dreamt a friend and I were in the game Dungeon Crawler. We weren't cartoons, but we were costumed similarly. I think it was more identity within the dream than actual costume.

He was a pirate. His claw was more like a fly fishing pole and lasso had a baby. He'd cast, and it'd loop around and around gathering items. He had a cursing parrot that stooped atop his left shoulder, an eyepatch that allowed him to see through muck in the tank, two detonation rubies, a polly wants a cracker that'd crumble hell onto the enemies, and a single gold dubloon that he'd flip just before attacking with a snazzy quip. When he hit their head just right, their mouths would fly open and gold coins would spill out. His parrot would squawk and fly after them.

I was a cracked porcelain cat doll whose stuffing was escaping from random patch jobs because I kept tearing myself apart. I'd hiss, “Get this gold off of me!” then widen a crack by flinging it at the enemy. My right hand/paw was mechanized. Claws would fly out and snatched items from the tank. When it'd fill with liquid, I'd jump on the edge and walk precariously while singing, “Is kitten going to take a bath or make a mess with all her wrath?” The parrot would sometimes try to startle me in by biting my tail. When it didn't succeed, I'd snatch one of its feathers and throw it like a dart.

We died on the twentieth floor. Probably because I have yet to make it past floor twenty in reality. I got close right before I went to sleep. I had the shark down to 32 with my necromancer. He splatted me hard and dropped me by almost 90 points. Maybe next time. My latest strategy almost worked. I will be sticking with it for the most part.

After we died, we ended up in a haunted house. That part is blurry, but it turned out that we were the ones doing the haunting. We amused ourselves by sending the investigators on wild goose chases or moving their equipment. It was totally harmless pranks.

Strange dreams for sure.

I think I'm going to have another go at that shark, then go back to sleep. Realistically, I'll probably only play a few floors.