Meh

October 15, 2026

That sucked.

It more than sucked. It SUCKED!

It sucked the suck right out of the suck. Fuckin' hell!

This is going to test me in so many ways. I'm already shutting down. I have to acknowledge that this process is not good for my mental health. Not even a singular, teeny, tiny iota.

If I were a betting woman, I'd wager that I'm going to say, “Screw it!” and walk away. I'm not. Only because it'd possibly be foolish to, but I really, really want to. I'm really not sure it's worth it. Everyone will argue that fact with me, but they're not inside my head.

I do not enjoy feeling this way. I'm going to keep a lid on it, smile real pretty, and pretend like everything is fine because I'm really good at doing that. But everything is not fine. That appointment has my insides in full anarchy, and I object to the humiliating lunacy of it all. OK, not humiliating because I refuse to be humiliated on principle. But I don't want to do it again even though the next appointment is already in place.

My head hurts. I think I was grinding my teeth the entire time. I can't stand bureaucracy. I have zero patience for it. I will smile and pretend to. I see why there's a no cursing clause. The urge is real. Very real. I might go shove my head in the oven as it seems the practical thing to do. (That's a joke. My head doesn't fit in the oven without moving racks, and I don't like the way they sound or flavor the air.)

*sighs* I can do this. It is but a moment, and then I'm gone.

In other news, I'm pretty sure the thermostat on my hot water heater has went out. I've checked everything I can without emptying it. There's still the ghost of warmth, so the upper element must be kicking on. I think I will deal with a few days of cold showers for now, because I have zero desire to deal with the alternative.

I'm tired. It will be an early night in a few hours.