The Horseman's Lament

October 19, 2026

(chorus) Squishes and seeds! Squishes and seeds! My head’s all filled with squishes and seeds! Yet they say I’m a villain of monstrous deeds! How can that be if my head’s filled with squishes and seeds?!

(verse) One night. One night. One night in the year. I’m to rise from the dead just to give a good scare. But what if I’m busy? Say my calendar's full. Being scary’s too crazy. I like to be dull.

In this Tarry town. This hollow glen. Those Dutch are obsessed with things spooky and sin! I could be anyone! I just might be your friend! But they pick and they poke wanting a gory end!

(verse) There’s a chance I was native, perhaps Hessian for sure. Whether wizard or chief, I’m a spector of lore. Pull your children in tightly. Take your sweets for a ride. I know your fear is legit, cause I’m a spook! Bona fide!

You see there once was a girl. Isn’t that how it’s told? Then there’s me, and my horse, and that schmuck Archibald. He had plenty of lessons, but so much to learn. So, I taught him a few on the night he was spurned.

That yank had his eyes on a sweet piece of land. Oh, so smart, he professed to win my lady’s hand! At a party, one Autumn, with everyone near. He dropped down to one knee just to fill me with fear!

(bridge) So, I say to you, man to man, what could I have done? What else other than? He gave me no choice! No, it wasn’t for spite! It was meant as a joke! It was meant to cause fright! It was meant to cause fear, not to put out his light!

(verse) So jittery and glittery, that ill-fated bum. He paid little attention on the night he’d succumb. Sure, the tree had been struck and it was frightening to see. But not nearly as scary as my horse and me!

It was fun! It was swell! I’d prepared a great joke! Had my horse lathered up, and I’d lengthened my cloak. Major Andres, he was headless. That’s what the old women said. So, I slouched in my saddle to fill the school marms with dread.

His horse was the problem! Such a temperamental mare. She took off, as if bitten, racing blind without care. So, I followed, a hero, at a neck-breaking pace. In such fear for his life, I chunked a gourd at his face.

(verse) How could I have known that he’d fall in the grave? Better that than the bricks on the bridge, freshly paved! So embarrassed of failure and of his lack of new wealth. Like his namesake, he skedaddled, without a care to my health.

Perhaps unwise to post this old thing, but I wanted to have something for mood for something appropriate and fun.

I have a bit of a thing for humorously macabre songs with a flair for the dramatic. This is one of my favorites that I wrote many years ago. It never fails to sing into my head and put a smile on my face at this time of year. If you read this, may it give you a smile, too.